We went back to Oklahoma for a few days to visit family, friends, run a 5K, and eat poorly. In an effort to get more views, here is a listacle (kill… me…) like Buzzfeed does. Now, where are my millions of hits!?
1. I can easily spend $15 at a Pizza Hut / KFC on just myself. So easy it’s embarrassing. Respectful, but embarrassing.
2. There’s something undoubtedly beautiful about the plains.
3. A woman in front of me on the plane was watching Breaking Bad. She was on season two. I’ve seen every episode and couldn’t even hear it, but I didn’t stop watching.
4. I spent about $10 trying to win Hailey this tiny stuffed banana from a claw machine. I push every joke to the limit, money and logic be damned! I won it AND the day.
5. I witnessed a man using a urinal with his pants and underwear down to the floor. We made eye contact on the way out. He had no shame. I respect the hell out of this man. If you were wondering where this happened, it was Walmart. It was perfect.
6. I missed work. It was nice to relax, but I genuinely missed work. It’s rare to have a job you want to do and like enough that you look forward to getting back and seeing people. I very much appreciate the opportunity I’ve been given to work where I do.
7. My sister Jamie owns a dental office and I’m incredibly proud of her. She has patient charts and chairs and business cards. It’s mind-blowing and awesome.
8. Meanwhile, I made this video. Needless to say, my parents are proud of her.
9 . There are pinks and purples in Oklahoma sunsets that you can’t find in California.
10 . Throughout the trip, I had three workers swear while helping me. I know it’s rich that I, of all people, complain about swearing, but it was slightly disturbing. And I know that I, of all people, shouldn’t complain about poor customer service after I developed an alternate persona titled “Cookie Store Mark.” But, while Cookie Store Mark was a cynical jerk who made very angry faces, he never swore out loud. My terrible customer service drew that line.
11. Mexican food is better in the South (or Midwest, whatever Oklahoma is.) It’s probably Tex-Mex and not authentic Mexican, but I don’t care. I like big bowls of chips and queso. Why is queso so hard to find in California? Though Oklahoma lacks shady trucks selling street tacos, I’d take their version of Mexican any day.
12. I have an unhealthy obsession with OU football for I drove past the stadium and became very giddy and frustrated and nauseous and I swear if it’s a bad season I’m done just kidding that’ll never happen run-on sentence.
13. Some people don’t know how to fly, like the woman next to me in the middle seat who refuses to get up for the window seat guy. He had to climb over her to get into his seat, then to get out to go to the bathroom, then back in. This poor guy, having to choose which to give her a face full of, butt or balls. He gave her two butts and one balls. Then, I put the armrest down and she immediately takes it and proceeds to stick her elbows into my side. And when she needs up, she tries to crawl over me. I have to stop her so I can get up first. I don’t want a face full of what she has to offer. And when she walks down the isle, she’s grabs onto every chair and I get to see everyone’s sleeping heads raise like reverse dominos down the isle.
14. I have a hard time stopping myself when it comes to all-you-can-eat breakfast.
15. Oklahoma is full of such nice, supportive, and wonderful people. I wish the ignorant voices of the state weren’t louder than those.
16. How do airlines get away with issuing a ticket but not a seat? Frontier Airlines, you’re a class act.
17. I can grow a pretty creepy molester mustache in only a few days. Before it took weeks. Awesome?
18. To the guy working at the Will Rogers World Airport coffee shop who gave me a free cookie: we are now friends for life.
19. I’m immune to coffee. In fact, it now does the reverse. If I drink 3+ cups in less than two hours, I feel like sleeping. That’s probably not suppose to happen.
20. I’ve lived in so many cities and states and everyone of those made me who I am today, but none of those are home. Hailey is my home.